I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
