I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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