Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
