I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
