i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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