I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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