Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
