Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
