sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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