I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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