I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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