dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
