new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
