dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
