No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
