who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
