im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
