the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
