i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Randomize
