My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
