First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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