We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
