How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
