Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
