Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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