Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
