I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
