I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
