So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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