ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
