Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
