I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Randomize
