Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
