i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
