I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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