My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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