You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
