I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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