Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
