a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
