Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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