Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
