i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
