No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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