I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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