Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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