it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
