I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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