i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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