The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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