So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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