how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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