She is in my trunk
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
This is the prime rib incident all over again
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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